Through the Darkness

There are moments that I treasure with my little boy.  Special moments that we really connect despite all barriers that autism has put in our way.

Like the bad moments that turn into good ones, when he wake up hysterical and I can’t sort out what is wrong, but I bring him downstairs, sing “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” and tickle his toes . . . and he laughs.  He is happy.  He lifts his feet, puts them in my hand to tickle again, and tries to sing too.  There is a sweet connection between us that I treasure.  I am his mommy, and I helped him come out of the dark.

There are simple moments too.  When I touch his head and before he pulls away, he smiles and pushes his head into my hand like a cat does.  Without the words that autism have stolen from him, he is telling me, that he likes my touch.

Or when I he is crying and I give him a bottle and his monkey pillow.  And he sighs with relief, takes bottle and his pillow and rocks like crazy.  He was upset and he knew that I would provide the relief. 

I love when I count or sing to him and he gets excited and rocks and flaps his arms and legs like he is so happy he can’t contain it. And seeing the joy on his face . . . . my heart can’t contain it either.

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